Tangled Up In Blues
by Bronzey
Summary: Takes place before all the nonsense with the wedding. A simple love story.
1. Chapter 1

Dimly, Olivia heard a knock at the kitchen door. Music filled the farmhouse. It thumped through surround sound speakers Natalia reluctantly had allowed her to install, but she still heard it. How could she not? The last time she'd heard that sound it had ushered in the day. Today. The worst day of her life. Each knock made her wince. She slid down farther into the couch and took a long drink of the beer she was holding. _Please, just stop_, she silently pleaded with the knocking.

"Hello? Olivia?" a voice came in. Olivia groaned at the sound of the familiar voice and poked at the remote control in her hand. The music grew louder. She wondered why people thought they could just walk right into her house, and more importantly why the door was never locked.

"What the hell? Olivia!" the woman called loudly as she entered the room, a bag in one hand and a disapproving look on her face. The music was very loud and they could both feel the beat thrumming through their chests. Doris looked around for the stereo, but was distracted by the look of Olivia slumped far down in the couch with bare feet propped up on the coffee table which was littered with beer bottles. Gone was the little black dress from earlier in the day. The minute she got back to the farmhouse she'd thrown on the oldest, most comfortable jeans and t-shirt she owned and covered them both with a fuzzy robe that made her feel warm and almost comforted.

"Go away, Doris," Olivia grumbled. The words shifted Doris's eyes from Olivia's form and she finally saw the stereo. She walked over to it and turned it down until it was barely audible. The mayor gritted her teeth against the jealousy that rose up in her because Olivia still looked as sexy as hell in a bunch of worn out clothes. Someone had told her once that Olivia even looked sexy the day after her heart transplant. Doris was skeptical about that one, but now she believed it.

"Hey, I was listening to that," Olivia said, her words slow and slightly slurred. "That was Led Zeppelin. You can't just turn off _Going to California_ like that. It's like turning off… you know, good stuff." She blinked slowly. "Why are you here, Doris? Go away."

"I only turned it down. Plus, I drove all the way out here to see how you are. I'm not leaving," Doris said firmly and pulled a six pack of beer from the bag she was holding.

Olivia perked up. "Oh!" she smiled and raised an eyebrow playfully. "You bring tidings of great beer. I'll allow you to stay if you share." She patted the couch next to her.

Doris frowned. "I probably shouldn't, but I can't imagine today's been easy for you." She reluctantly sat down beside Olivia and handed her a beer.

"Whatever do you mean, Doris? Today's been just wonderful!" She took a long drink of the cold beer. "There was Shayne and Edmund, and pizza, and even… did you know I'm a really good drummer? Yep." Another drink. "Best freakin' day ever."

"I was just down at the station. Frank was telling everyone who would listen about his engagement to Natalia." Doris gave Olivia a sidelong glance, wanting to see past the sarcasm, hoping Olivia would let her in. The woman needed someone right now and Doris knew she was a poor choice, but she wanted to help. God knew no one was ever there for her when she had woman issues.

"Oh that," Olivia tried to say nonchalantly, but her voice quavered slightly. "Well, you know, I'm happy for her. She'll be happy with the Coopers. I mean, who doesn't want their best friend to marry a great man and live happily ever after. If there's one thing Sex in the City taught us, it's that getting married is awesome!" Olivia gave Doris a thumbs-up with her right hand and finished the beer in her left.

"Cut the sarcasm, Olivia. Natalia might sit there and take it from you, but I'm here to try to help, and I know you're full of shit."

Olivia sighed and looked down at the empty bottle in her hand. "No, she doesn't take it from me either," she said quietly. "It hurts her when I do it. Apparently it's… mean."

"Then why do you do it?" Doris asked, truly curious.

Olivia replied defensively, "It's who I am. Sarcastic, sexy, seductive… straight." She paused, and when she continued her voice sounded deflated. "That's who I am. That's all I know."

"Well, that may be," Doris said after observing Olivia's sad, downcast face for a long moment. "But change is a part of life. I'd think you'd know change pretty well by now. How many times have you been married?" Olivia shot her a quick warning glance. Doris raised a hand in defense, "I'm just saying. Things change. Things we have no control over."

"I have control issues," Olivia said with a grumble and reached for another beer.

Doris laughed, "That is something we most definitely have in common, Olivia Spencer," she said and tipped her beer toward Olivia's for a toast. Olivia chuckled reluctantly and toasted.

"Dr. Phil would have a field day with us."

"No, Dr. Phil would be scared of us," Doris said seriously before they both broke down into laughter.

"Ah, it's funny 'cause it's true," Olivia said with a smile and small shake of her head after the laughter had subsided. The joke had eased a lot of the tension in the room and they both sat back sipping their beer, listening to Led Zeppelin swirl quietly in the background. Doris finally broke the silence by saying, "Don't let her marry him."

"What?" Olivia had heard, but didn't know how to respond.

"You said she almost kissed you, right? You told me that the other day when you found me down at the courthouse."

Olivia nodded.

"But…"

"No. No buts. If she almost kissed you, then she shouldn't turn around and marry anyone before dealing with her feelings. Do you not agree? A friend wouldn't let that happen."

"I can't… I don't have control over her. I'm not her keeper."

Doris sighed in frustration. "Olivia, do you even begin to realize what a good thing you have here?" She waved her hand around, "This house, this relationship you two have… you might as well be married already." Olivia made a small sarcastic noise. Doris decided to change her tactics.

"Do you remember when I made that speech about Emma's presentation?" Olivia just looked at her with a raised eyebrow. Doris shook her head and leaned over to get a second beer. "Of course you do. Anyway, after I gave that speech people were falling all over themselves to tell me gossip about the two of you. There was one story in particular that I remember. A secretary of mine came to me like she had the biggest secret she'd ever known in her life. She sat me down and told me she'd seen you, Natalia, and Emma all at the grocery store. She said you were all in the cookie aisle arguing over cookies. Apparently you and Emma wanted double chocolate chip while Natalia was telling you both you should eat more vegetables."

Olivia laughed despite herself, she remembered the moment fondly. "We never did get those cookies."

"Yeah, my secretary told me that too. Apparently she was completely aghast over that part. The part where some _woman_ actually told _Olivia Spencer_ what to do. And she did it."

Olivia raised an eyebrow. "How did she even know me?"

"Small town." Doris shrugged.

"Well," Olivia shook her head, still a little confused, "regardless, what does a cookie-aisle argument have to do with anything?"

"Don't you see? No two people who are 'just friends' argue like that. And they most definitely do not skip the cookies and buy more vegetables because their friends scold them into it. And most definitely none of that happens to Olivia Spencer. Whether you like it or not, your relationship with Natalia has changed you. " She glanced over at Olivia who remained silent. "And I'm willing to bet my position as mayor that you like it."

Olivia frowned and put her beer on the coffee table. Suddenly, being drunk didn't seem like the best plan. She wanted to process all of this information quickly and clearly so she could explain it all away.

Doris watched her for a moment. "Can you really let her marry Frank without a fight?"

"Doris, I…" she ran both hands through her hair and grabbed her head for a moment in a desperate attempt to collect her thoughts. "But… but I like going to the cookie aisle with her," she said softly, her voice vulnerable.

Doris furrowed her eyebrows in concern and understanding, "I know," she said gently, "I'd like it too if I were you."

"I love her so much," Olivia said, barely audible. The realization of it all finally hit her full force and she leaned into her lap, covering her face with her hands.

"I know." Doris laid a hand on Olivia's back. Not moving, just a gentle hand to remind the woman she had a friend. For long moments they stayed in that position. Finally, Olivia raised her head.

"How is this so hard? Why is this so hard?"

"I don't know." Doris said in defeat. She wanted to help, but she was far from knowing all the answers.

Olivia took a deep breath and stood up. She began pacing slowly across the room, desperately attempting to bring her emotions and thoughts back to a rational level. "No, Doris. No. She has to marry Frank. She'll be happy with him and the Coopers. I can't take that away from her. They're a wonderful family. A real family. She deserves that. She's been through so much. I put her through so much."

"And you think you can't offer her happiness?

"No." Olivia shook her head, avoiding eye contact with Doris. "How? I was so awful to her for so long." Olivia looked stricken and sat back down on the couch. "Even if she has gotten over all that, and even if she cares for me now, I have nothing to offer her. I'm nothing more than a broken misfit alone in the world. The Coopers are such a strong family and they can give her everything she's ever wanted." Olivia looked up at the ceiling, trying with all her might to keep the tears in. "She tells me about how she dreamed of having a big family with Gus and how she pictured it all so perfectly with him. I don't fit into a picture like that. I can't give her that happy picture."

"You think you and Emma aren't enough to make her happy? Do you really think love and happiness are going to fall into her lap the moment she marries Frank?"

"What is this turning into? A Dr. Phil session?" Olivia questioned angrily, not wanting to answer the question, not wanting to even think about the answer.

"No. Because I'm not afraid of you, Olivia," Doris said seriously, not wanting Olivia to change the subject. "Stop being afraid of yourself."

Before Olivia could respond, a sound came from the kitchen.

"Olivia? Are you home?" It was Natalia.

Olivia looked around wildly and guiltily. Beer bottles were strewn everywhere and she'd sobered up enough to know that wasn't going to be accepted with open arms by Natalia.

"Shit." Olivia muttered and moved to stand up. She was just getting to her feet when Natalia walked into the room.

"Olivia! You're here! " Natalia said brightly as she walked into the room, her eyes trained directly onto Olivia. "I was worried because…" suddenly, she noticed Olivia wasn't the only one in the room. "Doris? Uhm, hello. What's going on here?" Her eyes roamed with confusion over all the beer bottles, over Doris, and finally landed on Olivia.

"Um, hey, Natalia. We, uh, Doris just came over to tell me about… Philip's trial. Right, Doris?" She flashed an innocent smile.

Doris looked like a deer stuck in headlights for a moment because they had most definitely _not_gotten around to talking about the trial even though that was one of the things Doris wanted to talk to Olivia about. She knew heads would roll when she found out about Emma's surprise appearance. However, she quickly covered. "Yes, I just wanted to give a little update since you and she thought it was important enough to come visit me about it last week."

"Uh huh," Natalia said suspiciously. "Well, thank you for that, Doris."

"Oh sure, sure." Doris laughed nervously. "It's all in a day's work." There was an awkward pause as Natalia started looking over the room again. "Well! I think I'll leave you ladies to your…" she waved a hand around, "whatever. It was nice talking with you, Olivia."

"Yeah, Doris. Nice." Olivia said with an uncomfortable smile and walked Doris swiftly out through the kitchen.

"You are so in trouble," Doris said in a whisper when they reached the door.

"I know. Go away!" Olivia replied a desperate whisper, pushing the woman out the door.

"Hey watch it!"

"Go!" Olivia hissed.

"You're even more married than I thought," Doris said with a small laugh as she walked out the farmhouse door.

Olivia closed the door and leaned against it for a moment, willing herself sober so she could face the woman in the next room. She took a few deep breaths and walked through the kitchen into the living room, attempting to seem like nothing was out of the ordinary.

She was greeted by the sight of Natalia sitting on the couch with an empty beer bottle in each hand. She'd clearly begun cleaning the mess because most of the bottles were pushed to one side of the table.

"Just how drunk are you, Olivia?" she said in a monotone voice without looking up at the other woman.

"Not so much anymore. It's been a long day."

"Yes, it has been." Natalia said quietly, dropping the two beer bottles onto the coffee table with a thud. "Why was Doris Wolf really here?"

"What do you mean? Just like she said, to talk about Philip's trial."

"And just what did she say about the trial?"

"Do we really have to talk about this? You know Philip isn't a favorite subject of mine." Olivia said, hoping against hope Natalia would agree to a change in subject because she didn't have the wildest clue how the trial had gone.

"Not if you don't want," Natalia said, her voice still strangely monotone. She stood up and began picking bottles up again. Olivia started to help her. Without making any further eye contact, Natalia started talking again. "I called Jane because I couldn't remember if I needed to pick up Emma or not. She told me you called and told her to keep Emma for the night… among other things."

"Well, yeah, I had meetings schedule until late tonight, but…" her voice faltered.

"But what? But you canceled them all and got drunk with the mayor instead?" Natalia questioned, anger filtering into her voice. "Only you, Olivia! Only you would do that and not know where your daughter was all day."

"That is so unfair, Natalia. She was with Jane. I trust her and it's not like I leave Emma with her all day every day. Today was a special circumstance."

"Why? Why was today so special that you had to drink a hundred beers and get wasted off your ass?"

"I was celebrating?" she answered weakly. She tried to smile sweetly, but it came across as a sad, nervous smile.

Natalia just closed her eyes and sighed. "Just help me clean this mess up. If you can do it without falling over."

The two women quietly carried bottles into the kitchen, words unspoken lingering in the air.

When the living room looked clean again, Olivia started to move to the stairs. She wanted nothing more than to run away right now. She needed the comfort of her bed and solitude. The awkward silence between her and Natalia was too becoming too much for her and she felt tears starting to form in her eyes. She was just sneaking away when Natalia broke the silence, "Where are you going Olivia?"

"Uh, upstairs. I figure I might need some rest. Big day and all."

Natalia ignored the quip. "No, I need you to sit down here with me. We need to talk."


	2. Chapter 2

"What do you want to talk about?" Olivia said intrepidly and moved toward the couch.

"Sit."

Olivia sat.

"Okay, I'm sitting. Now what?"

"You're not going to like the next thing I have to say, but I want you to remain sitting and hear me out."

"You're freaking me out, Natalia, what happened?"

"Emma saw Philip today."

"WHAT? How? Where? Where is she? Is she okay?" Olivia began standing up but Natalia caught her arm and firmly pulled her back down.

"Calm. Please. She's fine. Like I said earlier, she's staying with Jane for the night."

"Why didn't you bring her home? Natalia! You know he's dangerous. What happened?"

"Just give me a minute to explain, okay?"

"Okay, be quick," Olivia said, putting her trust in Natalia and holding back her burning desire to run barefooted all the way to the babysitter's house to collect her daughter.

"Earlier today I remembered you had a lot of business meetings… or I thought you did. So, I called Jane to make sure Emma had been taken care of. She told me you called and set things up, but she also told me you sounded drunk when you called."

"Maybe a little," Olivia said sheepishly. Or maybe a lot. She'd called right after leaving the company of Shayne and Edmund and was having trouble walking down the sidewalk. She didn't want her little girl seeing her like that, so she had called Jane.

"Uh huh," Natalia said disapprovingly. "Well, I went on to ask how the two had spent the day and Jane sounded hesitant. I prodded her a little and she told me that she and Emma ran into Philip while they were getting ice cream."

"That bastard! I'll kill him!" Olivia said, as if running into Emma while she ate ice cream was all a part of his diabolical scheme.

"Olivia," Natalia admonished, "Just calm down. If I thought Emma was in any kind of danger I wouldn't be sitting here right now. Anyway, I doubt he could have planned it. Jane said he was very surprised and let them leave without argument."

"He's sneaky like that. He acts nice and sane, and then just when you start to trust him he goes batshit crazy and kidnaps the whole town."

"People change, Olivia. I'm not saying he has, but people can and do change."

"So I hear." Olivia said with a grumpy sigh. "That still doesn't explain… why didn't you bring her home?"

"You're drunk."

"Ah. That. I'm actually feeling pretty sober now." She knew she was actually far from sober, but she wasn't going to be falling off her chair any time soon either.

"Uh huh. And how were you feeling about," Natalia looked at her watch, "about 4 hours ago?"

Olivia took a moment to remember what was happening 4 hours ago. That was right about the time she got home, stumbled upstairs to change, stumbled back down, and put Led Zeppelin on the stereo. She was drunk off her ass and opening another beer 4 hours ago, but did Natalia really need to know that? Did Natalia really need to know she'd planned to stop drinking and get a cup of coffee at Company before picking up her little girl, but when she got there she saw Frank and Natalia and a kiss that tore at her heart and sent her feet to the closest store for a six pack?

"Uhh, why?" she asked, avoiding the question lamely.

"I was at Company with the Coopers when a very drunk Edmund and Shayne happened to stop in for coffee."

"Ohhh," Olivia laughed sheepishly. "I may have spent some time with them this afternoon."

"Uh huh. And they told us allll about it."

Olivia cringed.

"All about how they found you on a desk in a sexy little black dress. And how you chugged whiskey from the bottle. And there was something about a video game that was so funny they couldn't even get through the story without breaking into uncontrolled laughter."

Olivia stared at Natalia. She didn't know what to say, she felt bad on so many levels, especially after hearing what happened with Emma, but there was still a side of her that wanted to get angry and ask Natalia just who she thought she was. If she wanted to go out and drink whiskey from the bottle and get drunk with men all day long every day that was her own business and no one else's.

"So? Yeah, I went out and got drunk and had some fun with a couple of old friends. Is there something wrong with doing that? Sometimes a person just has to go out and have a little fun. I had no way of knowing anything out of the ordinary was going to happen with Emma today. The same thing would have happened had I gone to business meetings all day."

"This isn't about Emma, Olivia."

"Then what is it about?"

Natalia shook her head and looked down at her hands. Sometimes she just wanted to grab Olivia and shake some sense into her. She looked over at the woman who was staring intently at her with eyes filled with emotion. God, she was beautiful. Natalia gritted her teeth and stood up. She needed distance from those beautiful, intense eyes so she could think.

"I thought we were sitting," Olivia said, leaning back and opening her arms against the back of the couch to clearly point out how well she was sitting.

"You are," Natalia said firmly and began pacing the room. "I'm standing."

"Suite yourself," Olivia said and settled back on the couch like sitting there was the best decision she'd ever made.

"Why do I always feel like I'm battling you, Olivia? Why does everything feel like a fight? Why are you always fighting me? I'm tired of it, and I thought we were over it. But now, today, I suddenly feel like I don't know you anymore."

"I'm not fighting you. I'm just sitting here."

"Everything's a joke to you, isn't it?" Olivia stayed silent as Natalia stopped pacing and sat back on the couch. "Why was Doris Wolfe really here today? I know when you're not telling the truth," she raised an eyebrow, "whether I always let on or not, and that story about the trial was about as transparent as that window over there." She gestured to the nearest window.

Olivia looked toward the window without thinking. The day looked cold and gray. Despite the gravity of her current situation, she couldn't help but momentarily feel warm and safe here in the farmhouse with Natalia next to her. Even though things were far from perfect at the moment, she felt the desire to freeze time. She never wanted to leave the farmhouse. She never wanted to leave Natalia's side.

"Olivia? Please tell me. Is something going on between you and the mayor?"

Olivia looked away from the window, confused by Natalia's words. "What do you mean?"

Natalia's eyes darted around the room uncomfortably. "You know… I mean, well, first you saw her at a gay bar. I still don't quite know what you were doing there. And then you decided we should blackmail her about it. But it wasn't really like blackmail. It was almost silly. She didn't believe for a second we'd actually out her to the whole city, but she still moved Philip's trial forward. Why did she do that? And today I walk in to see you two drinking together in our living room like you're old friends. What am I supposed to think, Olivia? You've been acting strange lately and maybe this is the explanation for it."

"No. Hell, no!" Olivia made an executive decision to stop sitting. "Natalia, do you honestly think I would want to be with Doris Wolfe? When I have… when I barely know her?" She threw up her arms and waved them a round a bit. "I'm not gay! I told you why I was in that bar. I wanted a drink, that's all."

Natalia still looked concerned, but relief seemed to have calmed her a bit. "Oh. Well, good." She paused, collecting her thoughts.

"Good." Olivia agreed and plopped back down on the couch.

"Good that you're not with Doris, I mean. That would have been… strange."

"Ya think?" Olivia said with a sharp laugh. After a moment's pause Natalia laughed a little too.

"I'm not sure I could have watched that without getting creeped out," Natalia said lightly and nudged Olivia in the arm playfully.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Olivia said, attempting to put a hint of humor in her voice but failing. She closed her eyes and leaned back into the couch. Sobriety was starting to hit her hard. The world felt so heavy.

"Today has been a very… surreal day," Natalia said.

"Surreal. That's a good word for it." Olivia replied, her eyes still closed. "That's a good word for my day, anyway. I'd think your day would have better adjectives like happy and joyous and... super neato. In fact," her eyes popped open and she turned her head to look over at Natalia, "why are you even here? I know I wouldn't be sitting with a friend on the night I accepted a marriage proposal."

"Everything's been so crazy lately. I just wanted to come home," Natalia said, feeling deflated as she leaned back close to Olivia. She wanting to lean on her, to find some strength from her, but she kept some space between them. It was space that didn't feel right, but somehow felt necessary. "Today was a very happy day, of course. Frank and his family were so happy."

"And what about you?"

"Me?" Natalia asked with genuine questioning in her voice. She felt like she'd just been riding the tides of the day, being pushed from one event to the next without thoughts of her own. She hadn't even thought about herself all day. Thinking about what she really wanted was too much, too confusing. "I'm just tired, right now. All the excitement wore me out."

"I'm tired too," Olivia said, allowing the question to go unanswered. There had been enough arguing for one day. "I think I'm going up to bed," she said, moving her body reluctantly forward.

A hand touched her shoulder and pulled her back gently before she could get up. "No. Just… stay down here for a little while?" Natalia said, as she linked their arms and rested her head on Olivia's shoulder. "I just need you here for a minute," she said, praying Olivia would just be quiet and let her have this moment without question or discussion or argument.

Olivia froze for a moment, closing her eyes to brace against the emotions and feelings that swept through her body at Natalia's touch. "Of course," she said with a shaky voice, "anything." She leaned back and Natalia settled herself closer. "Anything for you," she said and placed a feather-light kiss on Natalia's head.


	3. Chapter 3

Natalia knew she was cooking for no reason but couldn't seem to stop herself. Time wasn't passing quickly enough. Usually cooking calmed and helped her take her mind off her troubles. It helped time pass. This morning that simply wasn't happening. She poked at some biscuits she'd made. They weren't going to be any good by the time Emma and Olivia woke up. She glanced outside. Still dark. She made a grunt of frustration and threw the dish towel she was holding onto the counter. Leaning over the sink she reluctantly allowed her thoughts to travel back to the moment she woke up that morning.

She remembered her feet feeling cold, but the rest of her body feeling blissfully warm and safe. It was probably the cold feet that woke her up, but it was the warm that kept her from moving as she slowly drifted awake. She remembered smiling and snuggling in closer to the warmth, holding onto it tighter. It was only when the warmth made a small, happy sigh and pulled her closer that she fully woke up. Her eyes blinked open. Olivia! They'd fallen asleep on the couch together. Not only had they both fallen asleep, but they'd found a way to wrap themselves around each other in a delightfully comfortable way. Natalia pressed her eyes shut. She realized she should probably move, but the temptation to stay in Olivia's arms was too great. She decided to take a minute – just one minute to indulge the temptation.

Without moving, she took stock of the situation. Her head was resting slightly below Olivia's shoulder so she couldn't see the other woman's face, but she felt and heard a deep, rhythmic breathing coming from very close to the top of her head. She could feel the warm breath gently moving the hairs on top of her head. She'd seen Olivia sleep before, watched her do it for long periods while she was sick. It was always strangely comforting to watch as the breaths rhythmically flowed in and out. Olivia always looked so peaceful when she slept. Sometimes Natalia imagined that God would momentarily erase all of Olivia's past for her while she slept, leaving her without the worry of her past mistakes, leaving her light and free to enjoy the slumber without any baggage to trouble her dreams. She sometimes wished she could be the one to do that.

Further observing the situation, she realized that one of her hands had found its way across Olivia's stomach and around to her far side. She tentatively moved her fingers and realized the tips of them were under Olivia's shirt, touching bare skin. She swallowed hard and felt her heart begin beating hard and fast. The feel of the soft skin undid any resolve she had to move from the woman's embrace in "just one minute." Despite a distant voice inside her head telling her she should consider stopping, she slowly began moving her fingertips in small, slow circles, barely touching the skin. Even though her eyes were closed, the lids still fluttered a little as the feel of the soft skin made her entire body temperature seem to raise an immeasurable number of degrees. Unable to hold the thoughts back, she imagined herself lying beside Olivia and studying that skin, the way it looked as she caressed it, the way it looked as Olivia moved beneath her caresses. Her hand drifted upward. She took a deep, longing breath as she felt the entire palm of her hand come in contact with Olivia's soft skin.

Suddenly, Olivia shifted her hips and made a small moan in her sleep. Natalia froze. Oh God! What was she doing? She suddenly felt like a creepy teenage boy who was trying to feel up his girlfriend in her sleep. She pulled her hand away slowly, trying not to fully awaken the woman who was definitely not her girlfriend, and moved to untangle herself from the embrace.

"Mmmuh huhmmm" Olivia protested firmly in her sleep and held Natalia closer with a surprising force.

Natalia felt mild panic bubbling up inside her. She sat up with more force, knowing it would wake Olivia, but hoping the surprise of it would confuse Olivia enough to not realize how they'd been sleeping.

"What? Huh?" Olivia said, sitting up and looking around through half-shut eyes. "Natalia?"

"You fell asleep on the couch."

"Oh, oops." Olivia said with a tiny smile, and moved her arm awkwardly. "Ow, arm's asleep." She looked at it for a moment before clutching her head. "Oh shit. Ow, my head. And ow, arm… pins and needles. Oh, God, my head!" Natalia couldn't help but laugh as Olivia alternated between grasping her arm and her head. Olivia squinted at her through eyes that were yet to fully open. "You laugh, but I feel like someone planted a million tiny bombs in my brain and they're exploding my brain cells one by one."

"You are so over dramatic," Natalia laughed. "It's what you get for drinking so much." Olivia made a weak sound of protest. "You know I'm right. Go up to bed. It's still hours before you need to be up. If you still feel bad in the morning, I'll make us coffee and you can complain about it then."

"Mmmkay," Olivia said slowly, her eyes closing again at the thought of her comfortable bed. "Help up." She put an arm in the air and waited for Natalia to grab her hand. Natalia shook her head and stood to help the drama queen. As she took her hand, Natalia felt her heart melt at the sight of the sleepy woman who struggled to her feet. Who would have thought Olivia Spencer could be so damn adorable? Sure, everyone knew she was sexy and seductive and all those things, but Natalia knew the adorable and vulnerable side of Olivia too. She felt privileged and blessed to know Olivia felt comfortable enough with her to let that side show. There was only one problem; that side was absolutely irresistible.

Once Olivia was on her feet she patted her arm again. "It's waking up," she said with a proud smile and began moving up the stairs. She paused and said with a raised eyebrow, "Although I do wonder how it fell asleep, I was just sitting there with it out in the open. Usually something has to be on a limb for it to do that."

Natalia smiled a little too widely and shrugged. "Weird!" was all she could think of saying. "You should drink some water before going back to sleep!"

"Ah, yeah, good idea," Olivia said in a murmur as she continued walking up the stairs.

Natalia watched as she disappeared from sight before making her way to the kitchen.

And in the kitchen was where she stayed for 3 hours. At first she cleaned. There were no dirty dishes, but she figured some of the rarely used dishes probably needed to be rewashed. No one likes a dusty plate, after all. Then she cooked, which she knew was pointless since Olivia was bound to wake up feeling sick. She ate most of the food she cooked. _Just something else to make me feel guilty. _ Finally, around 8am her cell phone rang. It was Frank. Apparently, he wanted to have a day of fun and excitement with her. Natalia barely heard him as he babbled on over the phone about his plans for the day. She only knew that she needed some space from Olivia. Space, not to process what had happened, but hopefully to get rid of it from her mind. She was marrying Frank, Olivia wanted her to marry Frank, and that was the end of the story. At least, that was the simple version of the story. Natalia liked the simple version of things. She'd gone through too much in life, had too much drama to want the complicated story anymore. Been there, done that. She craved simplicity and a day with Frank would be simple.

+++++

Olivia sat in the farmhouse kitchen, finally alone. She leaned back in the chair and made a dramatic fake crying noise. "Why, God? Can't you just give me one day off?" She'd barely been awake 2 hours and already she'd had to face the annoying sight of Frank in her kitchen picking up Natalia, and had a messy argument with Philip. "Maybe if I sit quietly God will forget about me," she muttered and laid her head down on the table.

Her cell phone rang.

"Arrghh!" she yelled and got up with an angry push of the chair. "Yeah?" she barked into the phone without even looking at the caller ID. The call was from Rafe. The anger flew out of her as the operator connected them.

"Olivia?"

"Rafe? Are you alright?" Natalia's son had never called her directly from jail before, and she felt worry consume her.

"Yeah, Olivia. I was just… my mom and Frank were just here. They told me the big news."

"Oh?" Olivia said lamely. She felt like she should mention something about how wonderful it all was, but she wasn't feeling up to it.

"Listen, I was hoping you could come down here for a visit. I kind of want to talk to you. If you're not busy or anything."

"No, of course, Rafe. I'll be down there in a couple of hours. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, that's good. Just get here before three, okay?"

"No problem, kid. See you in a few."

Olivia still felt rough as she walked into the prison. She was hoping this wouldn't be one of those all-day hangovers that refuse to go away until you get another night of sleep.

"Hi, Rafe," she said in a voice that she hoped didn't make her sound hung over as she sat down in the chair across from him. She'd subconsciously been trying to impress the son of her best friend for a long time now.

"Hey Olivia," he said with a smirk, "how are you feeling?"

Olivia knew that smirk and put her head in her hands for a moment, "She told you, didn't she?"

"Yep," Rafe laughed. "She told me all about it." Olivia sighed, but smiled back at the young man.

"Don't worry," Rafe said, not wanting her to think he thought any less of her. He was actually glad to hear about the human Olivia instead of the tough-as-nails superhuman she tried to show the rest of the world. "She was laughing the whole time she was telling me about it."

"Glad I could entertain," Olivia deadpanned.

"In fact, that story…" Rafe's smile faded, and he leaned forward. "It's just that her marrying Frank, that was a big surprise. I mean, I know they were sort of dating, but…" His words faded out and he looked down at his hands.

"But?" Olivia prompted.

"I think Frank's a good guy. He's done a lot for my mom and me, you know? It's just that this all seems so rushed. I always thought if she ever got married again she'd be so happy she wouldn't be able to contain herself."

"You don't think she's happy?"

"Well, she trying to be happy," Rafe said, chosing his words carefully, "but I can see that she isn't. Not really. She doesn't seem unhappy, but… but sometimes, most of the time, when she's really happy it's like I can actually see the happiness. Like she gives off a light." Rafe shook his head. "I know that sounds so lame."

"No," Olivia said, her voice soft, "you're right. I thought I was the only one who thought that."

"She has that light when she comes here with you." Rafe said, leaning a little across the table. "I saw a little of that light today... when she was talking about you."

Olivia stared at Rafe, she wasn't sure what to say.

"You make her laugh," Rafe said.

"We make each other laugh. But I don't see…"

"God, Olivia, I thought my mom was the dense one." Rafe sighed, "Listen, I have a lot of time to think in here. I have a lot of time to think about what my life will be like when I get out of here. I think about Ma and how I'm going to do everything I can do to make her proud of me again. And for some reason I keep picturing you and that cute kid of yours in all my plans. The four of us in that farmhouse. I can't seem to picture it any other way. If I picture Frank there, suddenly the whole picture goes out of focus. Everything seems dimmer."

Olivia stared at him. She wanted to scream out, "Me too! I belong there. Me, not him!" but she just looked at him, waiting for him to go on. She felt nervous tension begin to flutter around her body as she began to realize where his speech was heading.

"You make her laugh, and you make her happy," Rafe said, losing his eye contact with Olivia for a moment. This conversation was difficult and awkward for him, but he knew it all needed to be said. He looked back at her, "And you love her, don't you?"

Olivia felt her bottom lip tremble. She wanted to say "yes," she wanted the word to come out at the top of her lungs. She wanted to scream, "I love Natalia Rivera!" from the rooftops, but the only thing she could manage was a small nod.

"She loves you too," Rafe said, leaning forward once again, wishing he could touch Olivia's hand to steady her.

Olivia shook her head and felt tears begin to fall down her face. "No. I don't know…" she said weakly.

"She does. I'm her son. I know these things." Rafe said with a sudden light smugness. Olivia laughed a little despite the tears. "Tell her," he went on, "before she marries Frank. I mean, you know she can't marry him, right? He's not a bad guy… he's just not you."

Olivia felt a sudden surge of happiness move through her and she laughed. "Okay," she said simply, as she wiped tears from her eyes.

Rafe waved his hand a little, "Well, go! Go tell her. I expect to see her shining the next time she visits."

"Thank you," Olivia said, as she stood to leave, her voice cracking with emotion. Rafe waved her away again. She rolled her eyes and they exchanged smiles. Olivia turned and confidently strode out, determined to go home and tell Natalia how she felt.


	4. Chapter 4

"Natalia?" Olivia called as she walked into the farmhouse. No answer. The house was quiet and still.

"Is Natalia here?" Emma said loudly from the porch as she bound up after her mother.

"It doesn't look like it, sweetie."

"Awww, where is she?" Emma said, her school bag hanging awkwardly from one arm, "I wanted to ask her for some help with my homework."

"I'm not sure, but I can help you with your homework in a little bit."

Emma looked disappointed. "Okay, I guess. Natalia's better at math than you, though."

Olivia laughed a little and felt strangely offended that she'd be deemed unworthy of helping with third grade math. "Gee, thanks. Well, at least go up and start it. She might be home soon. If not, we'll try to work through it together. Deal?"

"Yeah, okay," Emma said as she walked through the kitchen. "And don't worry. You're better at spelling than she is."

"We all have our talents, I suppose." Olivia said as Emma passed from sight, heading upstairs.

Olivia dumped her purse and keys onto the kitchen table and tried not to feel relieved Natalia wasn't home. During her trip back from visiting Rafe, she had worked herself up into uncontrolled ball of nerves. If she hadn't picked Emma up from school and gotten lost in an animated recap of the day, she was sure her nerves would have started causing her physical harm. Every fear she'd ever had about telling Natalia how she felt and what might happen after that confession was running through her mind. Every outcome from Natalia being horrified and slapping her, to Natalia being extremely happy and… affectionate played in her mind. She was feeling dizzy from all the different emotions that kept shuffling through her.

After a minute of steadying herself on the back of one of the kitchen chairs, she took a deep breath and said to herself firmly, "I can do this. I'm Olivia Spencer, and I can do this." She looked around the kitchen, as if searching for something, then ran her fingers through her hair in mild despair, "Oh god, how am I going to do this?" She continued looking around the room, as if that would help somehow, when her eyes landed on Natalia's Virgin Mary statue. "Help?" she said with a distressed smile. No help was immediately forthcoming, but she did notice that the statue was sitting atop a takeout menu. Food! She grabbed the menu. The way to Natalia's heart wasn't through her stomach, but it occurred to her that it was probably a good jumping off point.

After picking out a number of food items off the menu she knew Natalia would enjoy, it dawned on her that she had no idea when Natalia would be home. Or even if she'd be home. She grabbed her cell phone and typed, _Will you be home for dinner_? She sent it and began staring at the phone, waiting for a response. After several moments of doing this she realized she was actually staring at a phone waiting for it to ring. She slid the phone into her pocket. "I am losing my damn mind," she muttered, and headed upstairs to change into something more appropriate for telling Natalia Rivera how she couldn't live without her.

"So, what now?" Frank asked Natalia. He was so excited. Today was so great.

"Oh, I don't know, Frank," Natalia said with a tired sigh. "You're going to wear me out soon."

"Oh, no! I wouldn't want to do that," Frank replied. "How about we go get some dinner? That'll be good, huh? We can sit down and that'll get us off our feet!"

The day had been a very long day. Frank decided it would be fun to go around town and tell just about everyone who would listen about their engagement. It should have been a fun day. Natalia knew she should have been all big smiles and laughter, but she was nothing more than distracted, half-hearted smiles and small chuckles. Memories of the early morning consumed her. She tried to stop them. She prayed for them to stop, but she couldn't keep her mind from replaying every event over and over. Every event from the warmth of waking in Olivia's arms, to seeing the foul but amusing hang-over remedy in the sink - every event obsessively played in her mind in endless, tormenting loop. It left her feeling detached and guiltier than she'd ever felt in her life. Every time someone offered her a drink she thought of the unmade pot of coffee she'd promised Olivia in the early hours of the morning. Olivia probably didn't even remember the promise, but the way things were left that morning felt wrong.

In fact, this whole day felt wrong. The very fact that she couldn't get her mind off Olivia was wrong. It was wrong because it was unfair to Frank. It was more than unfair. Being here with him when her thoughts were with someone else… that was beyond wrong and she knew it.

The guilt overwhelmed her. How could she have dinner with Frank when things were like this? How could he want to? Couldn't he see that she was failing in her role as the perfect fiancée? Couldn't he see how her smile never quite reached her eyes? She should be staring into his eyes and holding his hand and saying, "Oh, Frank, my love, I would love to have dinner with you today and for the rest of my life," but the emotions simply weren't there. No matter how many times she reminded herself that he was her perfect idea of the perfect man, the perfect love refused follow. _Why did I think this would work? What was I thinking? Why did I say yes?_ _How am I going to tell him?_ She thought to herself in despair, and felt a low-grade panic begin to rise in her chest as another thought popped into her mind: _How am I going to tell her?_

"Natalia?" Frank tilted his head, wondering at her long pause. "How about it?"

"Um, well," Natalia said, blinking at Frank. She wished she could think of a truthful reason to say "no." The guilt was already paralyzing, and adding a boldface lie to the equation would be downright despicable. There was no doubt God would break out the lightning and strike her down where she sat. She felt like the proverbial deer in the headlights. She kept trying to think of something to say, but her mind was racing in a million directions. Inappropriately, memories of Frank repeatedly talking about how she could cook and sew "so darn good," filled her head. She felt a little anger start invading her body. _Is this really all he knows about me? I don't even like to sew! How does he not know that? Just because I can do it well doesn't… Olivia would never say those things. Olivia…_

Her phone beeped. She grabbed it from her purse with a swiftness that she regretted immediately. She felt so obvious in her hope that it was something - anything that would take her from Frank's company. She glanced up to gauge his reaction. He was smiling. Of course. She looked back at her phone. When she saw that it was a text from Olivia, a smile flashed across her face.

"Good news?" Frank said happily as he leaned forward, trying to read the message.

"Let me read it first, Frank," she said absently.

She pulled the phone away from his line of sight and read the message. _Will you be home for dinner_? She blinked. She looked up at Frank who was still smiling. Did he ever stop? She looked back at the phone. Her heart soared and sank all at the same time. The feelings she got from a single text message told her all she needed to know about her current situation. Everything felt crystal clear. Technicolor images of dinner with Olivia and Emma played in her mind. They were all smiling and laughing. The smiles were real and everything seemed right - so very right. It was simple math, really. Olivia = right. Frank = wrong. So wonderfully simple… and yet, so terribly complicated.

"Is it?" Frank said, trying to see the message again.

"What?"

"A good message? You were smiling. You're so beautiful when you smile like that."

"No… I mean, yes," she slipped the phone back into her purse. "Well, no," she closed her eyes, collecting her thoughts. "Do you think you can take me home, Frank?"

"Aww, really? Is everything okay at home?"

"Yes, it's just… I think I need to go home."

"But, I was hoping we could get some dinner and then maybe go to the park and count the stars. It's going to be such a beautiful night."

"Oh, Frank, I don't think so. I woke up really early today… and I…" _No lies, Natalia_, she reminded herself. "I need to be home." She began putting on her coat and collecting up her purse as a way to signal she had her mind made up.

Frank sighed, "Okay. I understand. It was a really big day, after all."

As they headed out, Natalia pulled her phone from her bag again and typed: _Home very soon_. Pressing the send button had never felt so good.

Natalia smiled affectionately as she walked through the door of the farmhouse. Olivia and Emma were moving happily around the kitchen table pulling food out of various bags and boxes. She wanted to run over and collect them both in her arms for a long hug.

"I see you guys cooked," she said, restraining herself.

"Natalia!" Emma squealed as she jumped from her perch from atop a kitchen chair, running to hug Natalia.

"Yep! Just call us the Springfield Iron Chefs," Olivia replied, and watched with amusement as the force of Emma's hug nearly knocked Natalia over.

"Oh my," Natalia said as she looked over at all the food on the table. "I think that's just about every food I love on the planet. How did you know?"

"I thought you might enjoy the selection. It wasn't hard, though. I mean, I've ordered it all before."

"You have?" Natalia said as she started opening the few remaining boxes.

"Well, yeah, don't you remember that one time when…" She trailed off. Uh oh. The time in question was the time she'd ordered all of Natalia's favorite foods and let Frank take all the credit for it.

"The only time I remember a dinner like this was when Frank…" Natalia looked up sharply. Olivia was staring at her with wide eyes, looking guilty. "That was you?" She said, knowing it was true. For days she wondered how Frank knew all her favorites. Of course it was Olivia.

"I ordered it all and then Frank showed up. I figured he could use some help." Olivia shrugged, wishing this conversation would go away. The last thing she wanted to talk about was Frank. "The man's pretty clueless sometimes, ya know?" she added, unable to resist a minor insult.

"Oh, I think that's an understatement," Natalia said under her breath. "So you thought playing Cyrano would help things along between us?"

"No, I mean, I don't think I thought of it that way. It's not like I told him not to tell you. In fact, I figured he would tell you. I suppose he didn't?" Olivia moved behind Natalia to get glasses from the cabinet. She didn't trust her face to not betray the regret she felt for that evening. She deeply wished she could have shared that meal with Natalia.

"No," Natalia said and sat down, staring at all the food that covered the table. She felt angry - angry at herself for not seeing the truth right away - angry at herself for letting any of this go this far. She used to consider that dinner one of the turning-point moments between her and Frank. It was a moment she used to convince herself that he really knew her enough to love her. It was one of the reasons she said yes to his proposal.

"Hey guys, stop being so serious!" Emma said. She was tired of her mommies not smiling and laughing all the time like they used to.

"Good idea," Olivia said, placing glasses and sodas down on the table. "Let's eat!"

"Yeah!" Emma replied with enthusiasm and popped a French fry into her mouth.

Passing Natalia on her way to sit down, Olivia noticed that the woman still looked distant and a bit sad. "You okay?" she said, laying a hand on Natalia's shoulder for comfort. The touch instantly brought Natalia back to the present.

"I am now," she said, tilting her head toward the hand on her shoulder and smiling upward. Olivia winked and sat down. "Dig in," she said with a wave in the general direction of the food.

"Did Cyrano ever get the girl?" Natalia asked several minutes later.

"Mmrm?" Olivia asked, her mouth filled with food.

"In the play, did Cyrano ever get the girl?"

"Um, you know, I can't remember."

"Yeah, neither can I," Natalia replied. "We should know this!" Both women laughed.

"Yes, we probably should! But… okay, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that he did. I mean, why waste all that time on a story without a happy ending?" Natalia smiled and looked at her for a long moment before saying, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure you're right."


	5. Chapter 5

Olivia appeared in the doorway of the kitchen and quietly watched as Natalia scooped various leftovers into an ever-growing pile of plastic containers. Unaware of Olivia's presence, Natalia hummed under her breath and swayed her hips in time to the humming. Olivia allowed her eyes to travel the length of Natalia's swaying body. She swallowed hard and closed her eyes for a moment, attempting to quell the desire that rose inside her. _One step at a time_, she thought to herself and took a deep breath while moving into the room.

"That's a lot of leftovers," she said.

Natalia jumped a little and spun around. "Oh! You scared me. I was just thinking…" Her voice trailed off and she looked down at all the little containers. "Yeah, it sure is a lot of leftovers."

"Thinking?" Olivia said with a quirk of her eyebrow. "That can be dangerous, you know."

"Oh, I know," Natalia said, busying herself with the containers. "All too well."

Olivia looked at Natalia for a long moment, wishing she could know what was going through the woman's mind. She picked up a few of the filled containers and found a place for them in the refrigerator. "Well," she said, surveying the large quantity of food and feeling a little silly for ordering so much, "at least neither one of us has to cook for a few days."

"That's always a good thing," Natalia replied absently.

"Ah, ha!" Olivia said, spinning toward Natalia, her face lighting up. "I knew it!"

"You knew what?"

"You don't like to cook!"

"What? No! I love to cook… you know that." Olivia's face fell. She couldn't imagine how anyone actually liked to cook, especially after working all day. Natalia rolled her eyes and laughed at Olivia's sudden disappointed look. "Okay, fine, there may be days when I'm less than thrilled with the idea."

"Ah, ha!" Olivia said with a triumphant gesture. "I knew it, I knew it" she said, drawing her words out in a sing-song manner as she put the last of the containers on a shelf in the refrigerator.

Natalia laughed. "You knew nothing, Olivia Spencer. I admit to nothing but feeling tired some days after _you_ work me to death at the Beacon."

"Oh, you know you love it," Olivia said with a wink.

Natalia sighed dramatically, "Just go," she waved her hand toward the door. "Go outside. It's a beautiful night. I'll meet you out there with some coffee."

"Mmm, coffee," Olivia said as she moved to grab her coat and open the door. "I never did have my morning cup," she said with a pout, remembering the morning. It felt like a lifetime ago.

Olivia stepped onto the porch and took a long, cleansing breath as she looked skyward. Natalia was right; it was a beautiful night. The moon was full, it was warmer that it had been in months, and millions of stars blanketed the heavens. She stood very still, staring into the sky, transfixed by the sheer number of visible stars. Unbidden, a nervous tension started to fill her. The night was so beautiful, so perfect, that it rattled her nerves. It almost felt like a gift – a special gift just for her, so everything could be perfect… as long as she didn't screw it all up. Suddenly, the stars felt like a million tiny eyes, judging and questioning her as she stood alone on the porch.

"Hey you," Natalia said, breaking Olivia out of her thoughts with an offering of coffee.

"Thanks," Olivia said with a weak, grateful smile. She held the cup tightly with both hands, allowing the warmth of it to move through her hands and arms. Calm started to flow through her. The heat steadied her and the sky seemed much less ominous with Natalia by her side. "Mmm, it's wonderful," she purred after taking a sip.

"Thanks," Natalia said in reply, not trusting herself to say anything more. She'd been watching as Olivia took her first sip, and the way she looked, eyes closed, lips parted against the cup, a tiny flick of her tongue over her lip… It made her feel dizzy. Not wanting to pass out on her own porch, she moved toward the bench and sat down.

Olivia followed, oblivious to the effect she was having, still enraptured by the coffee, taking one small sip after another. Natalia made a point of not looking at her. They sat for several minutes in silence, drinking and looking out into the night.

"It really is beautiful tonight," Natalia said eventually, closing her eyes as an unseasonably warm breeze drifted over her face.

"I can't get over how many stars we can see out here."

"I know," Natalia said wistfully. "Everything's so different out here. Sometimes I still can't believe I actually live on a farm."

"Yeah, me either," Olivia agreed with a smile that quickly faded as she remembered her recent search for a new home. Both women remained quiet for several moments.

"Let's go for a walk," Natalia said abruptly. She stood and reached out a hand. Olivia looked up questioningly. They'd sat out on the porch together many times, but they'd never gone for a walk together at night. "Well, come on." Natalia's hand held steady, waiting for Olivia to fill it with her own. In the moonlit darkness, Olivia thought Natalia's face looked a bit like a statue of an angel she'd once seen – it was serious and beautiful and a little sad. Her hand looked like a sacred offering. Olivia was powerless to resist. She took the offering and stood to follow the angel into the night.

"Where are we walking?" she asked, a sudden nervousness driving her to fill the silence with words. Natalia led her down the stairs and into the yard.

"Does it matter?"

"No," Olivia said truthfully. She knew she'd follow this woman anywhere.

Olivia felt like she'd stumbled into a dream sequence. She'd often dreamt of grasping Natalia's hand and holding it as they walked together and here it was actually happening. It felt unreal. She felt Natalia rubbing the top of her hand with her thumb as they moved across the yard. Very unreal. Eventually, Olivia gave a mental shrug and decided to go with the flow. Losing sight of reality every now and then never hurt anyone, right?

Once they'd made their way halfway toward the small pond that housed a family of ducks in the warmer months, Natalia untangled their hands. _And we have reality again_, thought Olivia with an inner sigh.

Both women felt the loss of contact acutely. In fact, Natalia felt the loss so deeply something inside of her seemed to snap. She'd released Olivia's hand because it seemed the right thing to do. _The right thing for who?_ She thought to herself with frustration. She was tired of the right thing giving her so much pain_._ She was a good person, so how could something wrong make her feel so fulfilled and happy? It wouldn't. And this – this moment – this was right. With that, she looped her arm through Olivia's, drawing their bodies close. She continued their walk as if nothing was out of the ordinary. A stunned Olivia fell into step beside her.

For several minutes no words passed between them. The only sounds were of shoes meeting grass and distance wind flowing through tree branches. Olivia kept glancing down at the thin hand that held onto her arm. The grasp was tight and seemed almost desperate in its attempt to hold on. She wanted to tell Natalia that she could loosen up, that she wasn't going anywhere, but the close contact had all but rendered her speechless. _Oh my God, Natalia's holding my arm, _was pretty much the only thought she could coherently form.

"Hey look," said Natalia, halting their movement as they drew near to the duck pond. She pointed up with her freehand, "it's Canis Major." Olivia looked up, scanning the sky.

"The big dog?"

Natalia nodded.

"I didn't know Alan named a constellation after himself," Olivia said with a grin. Natalia laughed and swatted her arm.

"Do you see it?"

"There're so many stars it's hard to see constellations."

Natalia pulled her closer and pointed again. "Right up there, see?" Olivia half-heartedly looked into the sky. They were now so close she could smell traces of Natalia's shampoo. She resisted closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. "That star, and that, and that big one's his head." Natalia dropped her hold on Olivia's arm for a moment to point with both hands. Before she could regain her hold on the other woman's arm, she felt Olivia move slightly behind her and press a hand gently against the small of her back.

"Ah yeah, I see it now," Olivia said in a voice so low it came out as a whisper. Natalia felt her heart skip several beats. Olivia was so close she could feel the breath behind the words skim the surface of her ear. Her mouth went dry. For long moments she stared out over the pond, watching the reflection of the moon as it danced across the rippling water. Then, as if a magnet was pulling her back, she felt her body lean into Olivia's waiting embrace. She heard Olivia release a soft, contented sigh and her heart melted with the sound. _If this is wrong, I don't want to be right._

"I think the big star's called Sirius," Olivia said slowly, looking into the sky, speaking only in a floundering attempt to reign in her emotions.

"I think so, too," Natalia said, her voice barely audible.

Both women stood very still, staring into the night sky, hardly breathing, not wanting to break the spell that their closeness was casting over the moment.

Slowly, unable to stop herself, Olivia moved her arms to encircle Natalia's waist. Both women sighed with pleasure as their bodies came together in a tight embrace. Natalia closed her eyes and lost herself in the moment, in the warm, comforting feelings that coursed through her body. _God, how could I have been so __wrong? Nothing… nothing has ever been so right, _she thought as she gave in to the power of the moment and leaned heavily into Olivia's arms.

Olivia knew she was crossing lines. Crossing lines, burning bridges… hell, she was probably burning small villages in distant countries, but she didn't care. She had Natalia in her arms and nothing else mattered. The feel of their bodies pressed together was absolutely intoxicating. She closed her eyes and allowed the sensation to fill her. _I will never have to drink again_, she thought, her head spinning.

"Look," Natalia said, turning her head slightly toward Olivia's.

"Hmm?" Olivia said, coming dangerously close to allowing her lips to land gently on Natalia's earlobe.

"Falling star… make a wish," Natalia whispered, her voice breaking a little as she noticed how close Olivia's face was to hers.

Olivia tore her eyes away from the side of Natalia's face and looked up. She saw the star for a brief moment, and wondered at it as it faded from sight. Could this moment get any more perfect? Instead of a wish, she sent up a heartfelt thank you.

"Perfect," Olivia said quietly. Her lips were hovering close to the side of Natalia's face and it was taking every ounce of willpower she had to not turn the woman in her arms and begin kissing her with every ounce of passion she possessed. But no… They had to talk before anything like that could happen. She closed her eyes and pulled back a little. "We have to talk," she said, hating herself for ruining the perfection of the moment, but she needed to know this was all actually happening. She needed to know this was the real thing. She was pretty sure she'd die or at the very least lose her mind if she kissed the woman in her arms and then was never allowed to do it again.

Natalia closed her eyes and felt her shoulders slump. She knew this was coming. She wasn't sure what was coming, but she knew it was coming. Something bad. It was always something bad.

"No," Natalia said, closing her eyes tight and grasping Olivia's hands that still rested on her stomach, holding her in place.

Olivia blinked. Everything in her wanted to say, "Okay!" and go back to quietly holding Natalia in her arms. However, the woman's protest scared her. What did she mean, no? No, she couldn't do this? No, this was all very wrong? No, go to hell, you foolish idiot?

"No?"

Natalia shook her head. "I can't hear you say we shouldn't be doing this."

Olivia lifted her eyebrows in surprise. "Natalia," Olivia shifted, trying to turn the other woman around. Natalia held firm in her position. Olivia leaned close, her lips next to Natalia's ear. "Turn around, please," she said, trying to make her voice sound as comforting as possible.

Natalia swayed. Why was Olivia using her sexy voice at a time like this? Did Olivia even begin to know how she sounded when she lowered her voice like that? There was no fighting that voice. She sighed and turned around.

Olivia started to back away to give them space to talk. Natalia moved forward and pressed Olivia's hands back onto the sides of her waist. "No," she said again, defiance evident in her eyes.

Olivia frowned. She wasn't quite sure what was happening, but since Natalia wasn't pushing her away, she couldn't find a reason to protest very much. "At least stop saying no," Olivia said a little pleadingly and flashed a nervous smile.

Natalia smiled back. "I think I can do that," she said and moved her hands slowly up Olivia's arms, caressing a light path toward her shoulders. Once there, she allowed one hand to drift up close to Olivia's face. She tucked a stray golden brown lock of hair behind her ear. She watched Olivia's eyes fluttered shut as she moved one finger slowly down her earlobe. "Where you saying something?" Natalia asked.

"Umm, yes," Olivia said, her eyes still closed. "I need to know," she said, willing her eyes open. "I need to know what this is. You're still engaged, and I don't know if you…" She took a deep breath, and tried to recall the speech she'd planned out earlier in the day. "What I'm trying to say is that we started out as enemies, and then we grew into something…"

Natalia interrupted Olivia by laying two fingers over her lips. "Olivia? Just tell me you love me." She removed her fingers to allow the other woman to speak only after a gentle, quick caress of her lower lip.

Olivia's mouth fell open slightly. "But I…"

"Please?"

"I love you," she said weakly. Natalia smiled, the size of her dimples larger than they'd been in weeks. Olivia smiled back, unable to resist the infectious smile which beamed like a ray of light. Slowly, the confusion faded and the enormity of what just happened hit her.

"Does this mean…"

"I love you too, Olivia Spencer. I love you so much it feels like my heart's going to explode with the force of it."

Olivia laughed and felt tears starting to form in her eyes. "Oh hell, no, don't do that. Heart transplant. Been there, done that, don't recommend it." She said with a laugh and moved to wipe a tear from her face.

Natalia laughed and helped her wipe away the tears.

"What about your engagement?" Olivia said, closing her eyes to brace against the answer, not wanting to hear it, but knowing she had to.

"I can't marry him," Natalia said softly as she wiped away the last of Olivia's tears. "I think you know that. I think we both always knew that."

Olivia nodded sadly. She wanted to apologize for pushing Natalia into the arms of Frank, she wanted to take it all back and a do everything differently. She regretted all those months they could never get back. But the past was the past and now they had the future together. She drew Natalia into her arms for a long embrace. The hug was therapeutic, comforting them both, cleansing them of the confusion and heartbreak of the past months.

Eventually, Natalia leaned back to look into Olivia's eyes.

"Hi," Olivia said and smiled shyly.

Natalia laughed and moved a hand up to cup Olivia's cheek.

"Olivia, if you don't kiss me soon I'm going to die a very cliché death."

"We wouldn't want that," Olivia tried to say lightly, but she felt so nervous she could barely breathe.

"No, we wouldn't" Natalia agreed. When Olivia didn't move right away, she whispered, "come here," and slid her fingers into golden-brown hair. Olivia was helpless to resist.

Both women moaned blissfully as their lips finally met. They melted into the kiss. It started slowly, both women hesitantly relishing the feel of their lips moving and sliding together. But as the kiss grew longer, as the women began pressing their bodies closer, sliding hands across backs and necks, the hesitation faded away. They began recklessly moving their lips against each other, breaking away to breathe and gasp, only to dive back in for more. Olivia dimly thought a first kiss should probably be a bit more chaste, but she could do nothing to hold back the passion she felt for this woman. She slid her tongue across Natalia's lower lip and was rewarded by a moan that sounded hungry and passionate.

"Oh my God," Natalia said as she rolled her head back, panting, needing a moment to collect herself.

"Fireworks," Olivia said, her eyes closed, her voice shaky.

"Fireworks?" Natalia asked, her eyes slowly coming back into focus and landing on Olivia's mouth. She desperately wanted to claim more kisses.

"I never knew what people meant when they said they saw fireworks during a kiss." She looked into Natalia's eyes, feeling vulnerable. "I saw fireworks," she said with wonder in her voice.

"Oh, Olivia," Natalia said, cupping Olivia's face in her hands and leaning in for another kiss. This time, she poured all the love she could into the kiss. It was gentle and deep and passionate, and left no doubt in Olivia's mind she'd be getting kisses like this from this woman for the rest of her life.

"Let's go home," Olivia said as they finally parted.

"Home," Natalia agreed and they walked back to the farmhouse.


End file.
